It has now been over 2 years since Daniel and I started dating and we were best friends before that. When I first met him he was dark, always wearing Gothic clothing and fangs and the like. In school he would often do or say something weird and unusual. He wasn't happy. I think I barely heard him laugh and almost never did I see a real smile. But there was still something about him that was attractive to me. He wasn't like everyone else. He stood out. And I guess I would have to admit when we first became friends it was probably the Pisces in me. I have a tendency to befriend those who need help and often that leads to unsatisfying friendships because they are one sided but that wasn't the case with Daniel. He listened to me! I can honestly say never in my whole life have I had someone that I could open up to like that, even to this day. He barely knew me and I could go crying to him and he really listened. Well once you find someone to talk to and listens, well it's pretty much instant connection from that point. But as I said I couldn't say that it would seem we had much common ground at the time. But the truth was we did. We had a lot in common and lots to talk about, it just seemed some of the big stuff that was drastically different but that never mattered much to us.
Now, over 2 years later, here I am in Florida (with someone who used to say he hated heat and loved the cold) with a man who said he needs "light colored clothes for his birthday" (who before wouldn't barely wear anything but black) and is going to be working for and absolutely loves Disney! I have been a big Disney fan for awhile, and he liked it but it wasn't his thing. But now he talks about Disney, he wants to go to Disney, and in the last couple of weeks he has started to wonder through the Men's section in Downtown Disney and wants shirts with Mickey Mouse on them (if you knew this guy, you would understand what a turn around this is). When he got the job he bounced around the house like a 5 year old and every time he would think of another thing he would get to do, cover his mouth with a big surprised face like he couldn't believe it was happen to him! He laughs, real laughing and he smiles all the time.
Now from someone who seemed to hate the world and himself to loving Disney is a big turn around. The boy I first met in college is almost completely gone. This made wonder: Can you change a man?
There is a lot about who Daniel is now that are very qualities of me and that made me wonder if I did change? I wasn't really comfortable with the idea because I never was really for it. Why change the person you love? If I didn't like something that much would I really love them? I didn't want to be the cause of a big change in a person. I didn't want to seem like that person. But I started thinking about it and I don't think that's quiet the case.
Am I the same person I was 2 years ago? No. Not at all. Things have happened. Some really hard things, tough decisions and rough times. But through all the bad that happened with others and situations, Daniel was there and I have laughed more and loved life like I never have before. I have become happier. I have learned how to really laugh. Some may be confused by that idea, what it is to really laugh, but when you are out in public and something strikes you funny and you let out a laugh uninhibited by how it should sound or am I too loud, and people look shocked by the sound of it; you'll know you've really laughed. And don't take their shocked looks as a sign you need to stop, it's just that most people don't really laugh and the sound is always strange to them, but it will feel so good you couldn't care less. That's the thing since I've been with Daniel, the rest of the world could fall away. I didn't need to meet their standards. I didn't need to hang out with them to "be cool". I didn't need any of that as long as I had his arms to hold me through the darkness and his smile to share in the light. So I went from a girl who was cynical, hard, and closed down to one who has open and finally see the joy in life and finding herself. That's when I realized I changed too.
So the question is: Can a person be changed? The answer is yes but not the way it is thought to go. Neither of us ever purposely changed the other, it just happened. That's when I realized the true answer to this question. You can't find someone and hope the things you don't like about them will change or that you can change it. You have to love everything about them completely, for every good and bad part of their personality and being. And they have to love you in this way as well. And as you grow in your love, they change and you change, until you are one being growing together to become the perfect compliment to the other. Neither of us just changed the other, we changed by caring about the others likes and dislikes and wanting to share in experiences with them. It's mutual, it's a journey and you go on it together. And when you get to, let's say, 2 years later and you look to see how far you have both come and how things have changed and how happy you are, well it's a really cool feeling that I hope everyone gets to have. And I hope we continue to have them and I can't wait to see how we will grow together in the future.
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