So I wanted to update on how Halloween and the rest of my week has been going so far.
Well Halloween was a lot of fun! Already talked about how we got all dressed up. We went to Grandma's and gave out candy for awhile but not many people were coming so we decided to go ahead and walk about while people were still out. Well I knew a few blocks up there was a guy who drives and ice cream truck and on Halloween he used to give out free ice cream, so Daniel, Missy, and I went up to see if he still did that. On our way we went past Illusive Skull and there were a couple standing outside (the owners) and they loved out costumes, they said we were the best they had seen! But the especially loved Missy. So they had us go in and show the others workers inside and they seemed really excited about the dressed up dog.
After this we kept walking and got in line for the ice cream. There was a lady in a blue wig behind us, just one of the friendly sorts that always like to strike up a conversation. She asked if we would like her to take our picture. So she did that. And then Daniel picked up Missy and she started petting her and she said "Did you adopted this dog? Is her name Missy??" It turns out this was the woman who used to walk Missy every day. Missy's owner was in a wheelchair so this lady came and took Missy out for him. We found out her birthday is Feb. 2 and she's 4 years old and she loves Christmas and opening gifts!
It was so exciting! I mean how cool! How often would that happen! You could tell that person was so excited to see Missy. She tried to get a picture of her on her phone but because it was dark it didn't come out. Daniel and I plan on sending her a picture of Missy in her costume (she told us she has a picture of Missy on Santa Claus's lap haha). And I was so excited to find things out about Missy that I thought we'd never know!
So that was really cool and I'm still really excited about that. It's just a moment that makes me think about how God can work in our lives. I've been going to this thing called an Alpha Course on Weds at St. Paul and I am really enjoying it. It's supposed to be about the basic questions of Christianity. This week the guy on the video, Nicky Grumble, told a story that I really loved:
"It's easy to be overwhelmed by the scale of these problems and to think, "Can we really make a difference?" Is there anything we can do as individuals? One day a man was walking along a beach as the tide was receding. He saw tens of thousands of starfish stranded on the beach, drying out and slowly dying. He noticed a young boy picking up the starfish one at a time, and throwing them back into the sea. He approached the boy and said to him, "With tens of thousands of starfish lying up and down the beach you must feel like you're not making much of a difference." As the boy tossed yet another starfish into the sea he turned to the man and said, "I bet it made a difference to that one."
I loved this so much when I heard it. I got shivers because it was so powerful to me. I'll be the first to admit that I have a rather grim out look on life often. But I don't really want to have that. I do feel hopeless, like "What can I do? Will it really even matter?"
Back tracking (and it may seem like I'm going off subject to brag but I'm really not) in August I went with a friend to see HAIR on Broadway. My friend loves this show and she had gotten 2 tickets, but the other person she was to go with decided against it and I was lucky enough to be asked. So we went up there and stayed with her grandparents and it was a wonderful time. And we went to see this show, which I expected to be good but I had no idea how powerful it would be for me. The energy of these actors was amazing, it was the first show I had ever seen where they were all just wonderful sings, fully committed. It was beautiful, and simple yet so complex in what it was saying. And in the last scene, right before we got to go on stage and sing and dance with them (okay, that part was bragging :p) when they were gathered together under this bright yellowish light singing "Let the Sun Shine In", I saw God. I know it sounds crazy and most would laugh, but God was there in that moment so strong and in a way I have never experienced in my life. And so often I know many Christians would turn there back on a show like that because of nudity and drugs, etc, and they don't just do it to shows they do it to people and life. If they don't like it, they turn their back, but they're missing something. God is there too. And it's so beautiful when you see God. I still cry to think about how beautiful it was.
After that show I had something restored in me, I can't tell you exactly what it was, but something in me really opened up. I just feel loved flowing from me or wanting to. I want to love others and show them that light I saw. And why I loved that story so much is because I feel it's connected. I always feel I'm too small to do anything, but any moment I can have the opportunity to help or do something nice is a moment that may change someone's life. Why would I not take that opportunity?
Lately I have thought back to this time when I was younger, first of second grade. And I remember there was this boy in my class who no one treated well. I usually say that I don't remember bullying happening much in my school, but in this case I do remember it. Everyone was so mean to him and I can't even think of a reason why. I couldn't tell you what his name was or where he is now, but I remember one day on the steps coming from art class he tripped and fell and dropped his stuff and his pencil box busted open and it all fell all over the floor. Everyone went up the steps laughing at him,]. I was the only one who stopped and helped him pick up his things. I remember him saying thank you and saying I was so nice, and even at so young I can remember how much that moment meant to him. And how happy I am now that I did that. I don't know if anyone else is ever been proud of me for anything, but that is the proudest moment in my life.
Then we grow up and what happens? Do we just lose faith in humanity because we ourselves have been jaded? Maybe we've learned from adults not to do those things. But some where along the ling we stop. We see an opportunity but we don't take because we think we won't matter. Like in the case of Kitty Genovese, where as many as 37 people heard or saw her get attacked, but no one did anything because they all thought someone else would do it. And we do this all the time. Someone drops something and instead of helping we think someone else will do it. It is widely studied. But why follow the crowd? Why not be the person that when someone falls apart, why not be the one who will pick up the pieces. Because what difference will that make? All the difference to that person.
So that has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm really thankful for getting to hear that. I was also in my car today listening to music, on my way to school and a song came on I've heard many times. It's called "Die Vampire Die" from the musical [Title of Show]. But there is one part that is so quiet in the song I don't think I had ever heard it. I could never tell what she was saying. Well while jamming in my car today I finally heard it:
"The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair.It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like:
"Who do you think you’re kidding?"
"You look like a fool."
"No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough."
Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I’d think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, It’s the voice of reason."
This was another perfect timing to hear something instances. I have a whole thing I could write on theatre and my struggle to find my place within it (or not within it), but I'm not going there right now. Because I've been healing from things lately and made some great progress. Feeling peace and love in my life in such a great way. But I do stop myself. That much I know and no I don't know how to deal with it. I'm shy and I have no confidence and I have anxiety like crazy. I can't agree with myself when it comes to what I can do. I can't get out of my own way because I'm scared. Of messing up, of failing, of getting hurt. So I am truly my own worst enemy. But I love that because everyone says the "oh you're your toughest critic" but I had never heard it said "What would you do to someone else who said that to you? So why are you taking it from yourself?" I think it was really something I needed to hear. I can do so much more with my whole life if I'd stop letting myself run me. Because it's making things hard that shouldn't be hard, and it's ruining things that should be fun. So I'm glad I heard that today. I really loved that quote too.
Well now I just too you all on that little emotionally roller coaster, I'll bring it back to happy and say 14 DAYS TIL DISNEY!!!! I am so excited!! I can not wait!!! My aunt had been telling me about Mickey's Christmas Party and said I should try to go but it isn't going to be done while I'm done there. So I thought I wouldn't get to see the castle being lit. But I found out today that it is lit every day in a show, where they light the entire main street and the castle and I was so excited about it I started crying! Disney makes me cry. I think it's such a beautiful and wonderful place, I can't stand the joy it fills me with! So to think I was going to get to see the castle all lit up just made me so happy!
Well enough. I think I have written all I need to for now.
Peave and Love,
Andie
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